March 4, 2010

Stupid Mouth

*Just want to put in the disclaimer that the title "Stupid Mouth" is in reference to a John Mayer song about putting your foot in your mouth. I'm not suggesting my husband is stupid. That is all. Carry on.


As most of you know I have a husband who pretty much says what he thinks. If someone is annoying him, he'll let them know. If he thinks your dinner is a bit overdone, he has no problem informing you. And although his mouth has gotten him into some trouble - especially with me - I mostly find Nick's blunt ways amusing. Not only that but they make for great stories. So last night as he zung with me with one of his one liners, instead of getting all offended, I thought my best revenge would be on my blog where I could expose the man with no filter for all to read. And don't worry, he's quite aware of this posting. He's actually very eager to hear everyone's response. So sit back and enjoy!


WORD CHOICE FAIL: Nick and I had been dating maybe a few weeks when we went to a Young Single Adult fireside together. This was the first time Nick had ever seen me in a skirt.

Nick: "Wow, I had no idea you had such big legs."

Me (totally offended and shocked): "WHAT?! Did you actually just say that?"

Nick attempting to dig himself out: "Oh no, I didn't mean they are fat or anything. They are just kind of bulky."

Me, incredulously: "You think my legs are bulky?! Great, thanks." Who is this guy?

Nick, now realizing he has no hope of recovering from this: "No! That's not what I meant either! I was trying to say that I like your legs. They are very muscly and toned."

Me, starting to calm down: "Then why didn't you just say that? 'Big' and 'muscly' are not synonymous you know. Especially to a girl."

FUTURE IN-LAWS FAIL:

Nick and I had been dating right around the time the Indonesian Tsunami hit. My dad had found a picture of a ridiculously large wave about to hit Thailand and wanted to show it to Nick and me.

Me: "Oh my gosh, that is a crazy picture! Look at the size of that wave!

Nick: "It looks fake to me."

Dad, totally taken aback: "It's legit. I got it from this website...."

Nick: "No, its not. I think its been tampered with. See how there is a line right here where it looks like they just copied and pasted the ocean?"

Dad, totally deflated: "Oh. I guess I didn't notice that."

Me, after my poor dad left the room: "Couldn't you have just indulged him a little? He was so excited to show us the picture."

Nick, totally oblivious: "But the ocean wasn't real at all. It was totally obvious."

Let me just add that Nick was able to make amends for his lack of tact in later encounters. And I'm happy to say that now Nick and my dad are very good friends. They watch football games and go to the movies together.
MAKING YOUR WIFE FEEL BEAUTIFUL FAIL:
Last night Nick told me about how had seen a couple that did not match up at all. The wife was stunning and the husband was, well, not attractive.
Nick: “Sometimes I wonder how a guy like that, got a girl like that.”
Me: “It’s because guys are superficial and girls are not. Looks are everything to guys.”
Nick: “Then why did I marry you?”
Ouch. Thanks Nick.
So I have plenty more dirt on Nick, but I think I have gotten my vengeance. For now. hehehe. :)

5 comments:

BeeP said...

Hilarious! Nice punishment. :)

The Andersons said...

AHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHA ok that was just hillarious. if i didn't know nick and didn't know how nice of a guy he is i would think he is a total jackass. HAHAHAHAHHA but he adores you! he's such a guy. hahahha oh i can't stop laughing. LOVE IT.

Colleen said...

Wow! I thought I was bad! I think you've got a forever green light on making fun of him when he's sick! :)

Daniel and Jocelyn said...

Hilarious!!!

Jessie said...

Ha ha ha!
I'm the one with no filter at our house. Luckily, the ever-kind Louie, has fantastic self-esteem (unlike me) and can handle it. He even sometimes responds with kindness after I zing him. (Except he gets super offended when I wrinkle my nose as he sings off-key. He insists he's not off-key...but trust me, he is).

You guys are pretty dang adorable.