I need a vacation

Today's just been "one of those days." And it doesn't help that every time I log into Facebook someone is bragging about their latest vacation in Hawaii or the Bahamas. And as blissful as those places sound, I would even take Panguitch, Utah right now. I am just VERY ready to be somewhere by myself with nothing but an iPod and a good book to read. And let me tell you why: (Brace yourself. You might want to grab some cheese for this post because there will be plenty of whine. ha).

I woke up actually in a pretty good mood, despite my lack of sleep (anyone know a good remedy for snoring?). Toby woke up in a not so good mood. He absolutely refused to let me change his completely full and soggy diaper (for some reason he only does this with me, not Nick) and kept screaming, "Back! Back! (for me to put the diaper back)" Oh well, I'll change it when he's distracted with a little Sesame Street. I left him on the couch with sippy in hand while I stealthily snatched another diaper. Apparently I wasn't fast enough. I came back to a huge wet spot on the couch. OK, no big deal. Just clean it up. I grab the fabric/stain remover and Toby decides he wants to follow Kaya upstairs. By the time I get upstairs (I was literally 30 seconds behind him) he is spraying Windex all over the kitchen (and don't worry, none of it was ingested). So now I'm getting pretty annoyed. I open up all the windows to air out the potent "fresh lemon scent" (gag me). As I'm wiping off the cupboards, I notice Toby has left a little present in his newly changed diaper. Don't they always have the best timing with poo? I change it. Not 20 minutes later he leaves me another present in his diaper. It suddenly dawned on me that he hadn't had any bowel movements all weekend. This was the reason for the abundance of poo this morning.

I shake it off. Whatever, its been a rough start but I was determined to have a good day since the weather is GORGEOUS right now: Clear, blue skies and temps in the 70's!

So I decide to get out of the house. We went to Wal-Mart. I got all 5 items on my list without much of a fuss (just had to visit the fish aquarium and promise Toby a new ball if he sits in the cart. I'm so bad with bribes.) The check-out line was another story. Toby was DONE with sitting in the cart and wanted to get out and play with his new ball. So he kept throwing it out of the cart and screaming for me to let him out. When I took away the ball, he got back at me by throwing a plastic donation jar from the cashiers counter. Oh and did I mention the checker was new and took FOR-E-VER to ring us up? While people are impatiently piling up behind us, I suddenly realize that this mornings events were probably a sign that I should have never stepped foot out of the house.

We get home and I decide to let Toby and Kaya unleash all their pent-up energy in the our wonderful, fenced backyard. I'm cutting up some apples when Toby suddenly decides he wants to go downstairs and play with his toys. As I'm about to give him a piece of apple, I smell it and almost dry heave. Dog poo. My eyes dart from one end of the room to the other, scouring the floor. No poo. Then I knew it before I even looked. A fresh Kaya turd was smeared all over Toby's sandal, my jeans, our couch, and tragically, my prized electric blanket. AHHHHH!!!!! @#!$%*%$#!*&%@#$#@*#$%$#@#$%$#@#$%^%$#

It's safe to say that I lost it at this point.

After I clean up that mess and count to 10 a few more times, I decide to feed Toby some lunch. That seemed like a harmless enough activity. Well Toby felt the need to spice things up yet again by dumping his RED juice all over Kaya. I abruptly ended lunchtime and tried to wipe off the red stain from Kaya's coat, making a mental note that I will probably just have to give her a bath after Toby goes to bed. It was then that I smelled it: Poopy diaper #3! And this ones so bad I have to get completely new pants for Toby. OK I had reached my breaking point. It was nap time whether Toby liked it or not.

So we took a nice 1.5 hour nap together. It was the best part of the day.

We wake up, go to the park, soak up some Vitamin D and head home. No drama. YES! It was then I decided to call Nick and tell him my series of unfortunate events. So I did. He sympathized, laughed a little, and reminded me again that he was almost done with school for the semester. Hang in there...yadda yadda. OK, OK. The worst is over, right?

WRONG! Just as I hang up with Nick, Kaya barfs all over the carpet.

By this point I was almost laughing at how many times I had to use the stain remover in one day.

Now I am sitting here drowning my sorrows with some cookie dough and relishing in the sound of silence.

Oh how I need a vacation.